It’s hard for me to say "I’m Sorry"


Remember that song by the group, Chicago, “It’s Hard For Me to Say I’m Sorry”? Gosh, it’s so hard to admit wrong doing. I see this denial all the time in myself. My sin sitting right in front of me yet I don’t want to confess, repent, or believe. I doubt God. What a horrible sin! God has made his forgiveness so freeing and easy but all I want to do is wallow. How pitiful. No, I’m not being too hard on myself, as some of my friends might tell me. I’m glad the Father exposes my dirt, even when I don’t want to acknowledge it. My sin bothers me. I loathe it. My sin makes me sad. My sin makes the Father sad. He loves me despite my sin…that’s called grace. It’s amazing.

Adults are much better at hiding their sin and pretending that everything is OK. However, a two year old is an excellent example of the total depravity of man. I sat on the floor with my sweet little boy yesterday, playing with some of his toys. We’ve instructed him several times that it’s NOT ok to throw your toys, no matter if it’s in fun, frustration, or anger. He’s two. He got excited about playing and had a moment of forgetfulness. With a strong overhand, he threw the thick wooden train whistle straight toward me. It hit my face and chest hard. So hard that it drew tears to my eyes. My little boy was immediately concerned for my well being but he was also confused as to what was going on. He came to me and wrapped his arms around my neck, asking, “You otay?”. Through my tears, I smiled at him and showed him my boo-boo. He kissed my hurts and continued to comfort me. Once things calmed down, Mitch and I talked to him about his wrong-doing and encouraged him to SAY he was sorry. Boy, that was hard for him to do. Of course, I told him how I loved it when he showed his concern for me earlier and even kissed my hurts but I wanted him to seek reconciliation and ask for forgiveness. Wow…..that was hard for even a two year old to do! How can anyone say that there is anything good in man? The only way that good can ever come from man is because of the saving grace of our Lord Jesus. Sure, children are innocent in many ways but their heart isn’t one of them. Today, I referred to my son as “a little sinner” when in conversation with another adult. After telling him NO to his request, he began throwing a tantrum. She asked, “Why is he acting that way?”. Because he’s a sinner……and so am I. And God wants me to parent this child? I need you, Father!

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