Answering machines


I’m in the blogging mode tonight….already posted three in the past two hours. My eyes are droopy.

Found some actual answering machine greetings online today. These cracked me up:

1. Hi. Now you say something.

2. You have reached________. We picked this machine up at a garage sale in “as-is” condition. You can try to leave a message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded. If we don’t return your call, it means the machine did not work.

3. Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

4. (said very fast:) Hi, this is_________. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and …..BEEP

5. Hello. I’m home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.

6. Hi there. This is Joe speaking. I’m home right now and in a moment, I’ll have a decision to make. Leave your name and number and I’ll be thinking about it…

7. We’re sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

8. (in a Darth Vader voice:) Speak, worm!

9. This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.

10. You have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep.

11. Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand, mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I dunno, bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. Bye.

12. This is _______, and no, it’s not Domino’s Pizza. It’s not the Credit Union either, and no one named Pam lives here. You can leave a message, though.


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